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Monday, January 6th, 2003
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11:51 pm - Cry Me a River ~
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It's been fifteen weeks or more ~ nearly four months ~ since I last entered something in this journal. Now I guess it's time to talk about where I've been and what's been going on. I need to, just to clear my own head and try to deal with everything.
Kevin ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) kevinr and my friend Chris are the only people on line who know I've been struggling for the past few weeks. But they don't even know everything that's gone on.
Jay moved out this weekend.
The person who's been my partner for three years and my best friend and brother for nearly six is now living somewhere else.
I need to go back a few years to have this make any sense ~I need to try to explain this connection between Jay and me. There have been so many times when Jay and I used to identify with Nsync because their lifestyles forced them together to live like brothers, and we always assumed what happened to us could happen to them.
A lot of people on line have always thought it was pretty cool or pretty strange that my boyfriend and I lived with my dad ~ especially people who knew we went to high school together. I don't think I've ever really explained the whole story very well.
My dad had a partner who was hurt in the line of duty back in 1996. The guy ~Dan~ was a widower with a son. Jay. Dan had already lost his wife to cancer and was pretty bitter about all that. And he went on disability at first with this back injury, and it seemed like he wasn't going to totally recover so he could go back on active duty. I never really understood it all.
In 1997 Dan shot himself. Jay was 17 at the time~ and he was the one who ended up finding his dad. My dad was so bothered by all this, I never saw him so upset and angry before or since. I think he was more pissed at Dan than anything. And he felt responsible in some way ~ and responsible for Jay.
Jay went to the same high school I did. He was also openly gay. His dad had been really hard on him all the time, ashamed of him. And the kids at school were brutal. We had always been friends, but never all that close ~ probably because we were forced together at far too many cop family things. I really didn't know if Jay was 'actively' gay or just into the whole image thing. He was sort of a drama queen. (And pretty damn beautiful, which I noticed even when I was 16.)
I myself had a girlfriend and went back and forth about the whole sexual identity thing. (There was this guy in our school chorus who was so fine ~)
Anyway, Jay still had a year of high school left; he moved in with us to finish high school.
I was a year younger ~16~ when Jay moved in.
Jay and I ended up becoming best friends ~ we were really like brothers. We watched the same t.v., listened to the same music and even played some of the same sports. It was so cool. My dad treated us both the same, meaning we were both a pain to him. My dad wanted to make sure his partner's kid had a chance to finish out his 'childhood' with as few scars as possible. And I think my dad knew how hard Dan had been on Jay.
To make a really long story short, Jay had his dad's pension and social security, so he was able to pay his own way. He took a three-year business course right after high school, and he ended up working as a store manager at a very trendy shop.
When I was 18 (nearly 19) ~around Christmas in 1999 ~ we became lovers.
Man, did the fur fly at our house. It took a while to convince my dad that it had never happened before and that we hadn't been hiding this relationship from him. He wanted Jay to move out if the relationship was going to continue. I decided I'd go with him.
Eventually we all made peace and my dad accepted Jay and let him stay. Dad didn't want me to leave home until I got my degree, and I had just started college. Later on I ended up quitting the university and getting a job and then going to community college. I just didn't feel like studying for another two years, and Jay was already working.
Jay lived with us for six years! He had his own room all that time, even when we became lovers, and he was part of our little family.
Then this past year we started drifting apart. We started fighting more and having more tension about things. Jay was changing faster than I was, and sometimes it really hurt.
For one thing, Jay got off the whole boy band thing, and he started really getting down on me about it. He started dissing Justin T. all the time, especially when Justin went solo. He started listening to the Vines and Nickelback and stuff, and he'd make faces about the old Nsync stuff.
This sounds really stupid, I realize, but it was just a sign. This stuff that we had shared so much was going away. The whole Nsync thing was something we used to cope with the world, like Justin and J.C. Chasez could have this connection in their lives and he and I had it in ours. We used to pretend we were them, and we both sing, so we'd sing their songs and all that stuff.
And he used to like the whole fanfic thing. That's how I got to know FatJoey fatjoey and Chris and Lance on line ~ Nsync slash fic. And Jay was really into it at first.
Then when I hooked up with KevinR and started writing the mpreg thing, Jay just freaked out. He finally told me he didn't like slash fic anymore, because it was 'fake' and had nothing at all to do with real life. That being gay wasn't like a slash story, and the women who wrote about it had no clue. And I was just playing into their fantasies to be part of it, especially with the mpreg stuff.
And Jay said that Kevin wasn't really a gay guy ~ just a player who couldn't make up his mind. Jay has always been pretty sceptical of people on line. But the stuff he said started to reallly bother me.
It really hurts to even write this stuff, just like it hurt to read it. Jay was completely down on my Justin pregnancy journal ~ and he totally dissed KevinR's story about Kevin Richardson and Justin T.
It was like I was still this 'little kid,' and Jay was growing out of me.
Well, I stopped writing in this journal and gave up the Justin preg story. I lost my taste for it, I guess. I tried to make it work with Jay, but I wasn't going to act like I didn't like Justin T. anymore or Nsync or any of the music or shows we had always liked. Why should I give up the stuff I love just bcause Jay was changing?
Then before Thanksgiving I found out Jay had gotten *very* close to a mutual friend of ours. And when a guy is cheating on you, it's not just about your hurt feelings and your pride. It's about your safety. I trust Jay to be smart and all, but we had always agreed that if we were going to fool around, we'd be open and honest with each other about it (like kidding about doing celebs and all that).
And he was not just cheating. He was lying about it.
He laid all this guilt on me about KevinR, for one thing. Kevin was going to try to come to Vegas for the Billboard Awards in December, and we were going to meet for the first time. Kevin's a guy that I may have mentioned is pretty open about his sexuality, even though he's married. And Jay acted like I was planning on doing Kevin ~ like we were cheating already with our e-mails and our on line relationship. So Jay's actions weren't really cheating, in his mind. He was just doing what I was already doing with Kevin. Or some such shit.
Christmas has always been one of our fave times of year. We used to be saps about it, decorating every room and watching shows together and listening to Christmas music for weeks. We originally hooked up as lovers at Christmas, and for the past two years, it wasn't just our fave holiday, it was our 'anniversary.'
So we went through all this stuff in December, trying to get back to where we were. Kevin didn't come to Vegas. Jay was sorry about what he did. I wanted to forgive him. I wanted everything to be what it used to be. I wasn't having much contact on line with anybody at that point. I really tried with Jay.
But the whole thing was doomed to fail. We were just trying to recreate the past, and you can't do that. You have to move on. And on Christmas Day we talked everything out and he told me he wanted to split. (I didn't find out right away that he was moving in with this other guy.)
So the holidays were torture. It was going through our stuff and trying to sort everything out ~ and for me it was trying to sort out the memories and put them in some place where I wouldn't be faced with them every single day of my life. I sure as hell don't want to lose my love of Nsync or fanfic just because it might make me think of Jay! Part of this whole thing is about holding on to the stuff I love ~ and not having to apologize for loving it when I'm holding the person I'm closest in the world to!
New Year's Eve was a time to really party and try to forget everything. I didn't get all that wasted, but I did let myself start looking around and imagining a life without Jay. And something I never thought I could face at all ~ no Jay in my life ~ started to seem more possible.
So, this is only the third night that Jay hasn't lived here (in the past six years!!!). He's not asleep in his room or snoring on the couch or watching t.v. in the same room or in the living room or at the gym late or fooling around in the kitchen or whatever. He's not coming home later. He's never 'coming home.' This isn't his home anymore.
Wow. I can't describe how that feels.
It's the strangest time in my life. Like I said, I can't even describe it. It hurts terribly, but it also feels so liberating. I feel like I can do whatever I want, play my own music (even though Dad hates it), go on line, write fanfic, email KevinR (or Chris or Lance or FatJoey or whoever I want). And for sex I can take care of things myself for now, just like hundreds of thousands of guys do. (I've had it pretty good in this area for the past three years.) I'm a very romantic guy, and I'm going to miss the physical and psychological closeness ~ and the inside jokes and the horseplay. Hell, I guess I'll miss everything for a while.
But it's over. And I don't want to struggle with trying to get it back. Jay's changed, and we can't seem to accept each other anymore. We want different things, even though we both do the same work for a living, belong to the same gym, occasionally go to the same church and love some of the same clubs.
I'm not giving up the gym. He can find a new one, if he wants.
And I've still got Dad, which Jay really doesn't have right now. And Dad and Jay really love each other, so I feel sorry for both of them right now. I hope we can all end up friends, because we've been a family for so long. But I don't know how the whole thing will end up.
So I can totally relate to Justin T. right now. The whole 'Cry Me a River' thing is my life right now. It hurts to love somebody, and it hurts to lose them. And sometimes you've gotta do something drastic to get over it.
So I'm going back to the lists and going back to fanfic. I may even revive the Justin preg journal (he would have been due very soon now). I can do whatever I want.
I thought of making this journal 'friends-only,' but I decided that if Jay wants to read it for some reason, he's welcome to. For nearly four months I haven't written in it out of respect for him. But now I should be able to write and express myself any way I want to.
That's about it. A long story and one that most people will find pretty boring. For me it's been heartbreaking to even write this ~ and I've been sitting here sniffing part of the time and feeling really sorry for myself. And I've been eating everything in sight, like someone who's been locked up without food for weeks.
Jay's gone. But I'm not gonna sit around here listening to 'Gone' and being a sap about it. I gotta get to the place where this is Jay's loss more than mine. Or at least equally.
I apologize for my absence and for ignoring all the emails from my friends. I just didn't know how to explain everything. I hope you'll understand. I love you guys and I need you. You know who you are.
That's about all I can take for tonight!
Happy New Year, everybody.
~Mac
current mood:  melancholy
current music: What else? "Cry Me a River"!
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| Monday, September 23rd, 2002
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1:06 am - Waaaaay behind!
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I haven't written in here in the longest time! I got a lot done in my Justin preg journal last week (although I'm a little behind on that, too), but I still seem to lag in my own.
Let's see, what's going on? Jay's been in a strange mood for the past few days. He seems like he's impatient, and he and dad have been snapping at each other. Not sure what's up with that, but it's getting on my nerves.
I think my dad broke up with his latest lady friend. It's hard to tell with him, and he never wants to talk about it. But he's been home the past week, and we haven't seen a sign of her. No worries, since he'll probably hook up within the next few days. He's the biggest lady's man I've ever seen. It's not like he's gorgeous or anything, but he's got something going for him. Jay says it's his mouth (his lips), but I'm not going there.
In fact, I need to change the subject!
What's all this about J.C. and A.J.? If it's true that they've gotten to be friends (or even if it isn't), somebody's gonna have to write an mpreg with them. It's an interesting pairing. I wanted to do a J.C./Lance, but god knows when I'd ever get around to it. Still, I don't feel confident enough about my writing right now. I'm okay with the Justin journal. It doesn't require any real writing skill.
Justin's on TRL tomorrow, so I have to tape it.
Speaking of Justin (sorta), I keep waiting for Justin or R.J. or some other American Idol to come in the store, but so far, no luck. I don't even know if they're still around, to tell the truth. Maybe not.
Enrique's gonna be at MGM Grand on Oct. 19. Jay loves him, so I'm gonna see if I can get tix. If Jay could find him in a bar somewhere (without Anna Kournikova), he'd boink him in a second. Wish somebody would write some fic about him, but he doesn't seem to have caught on in our circles. Jay might even get into fanfic if I could find a nice mpreg with Ricky!
It's late, and I work tomorrow. I better knock this off. I can smell coffee (Jay or Dad?), and I'm lucky it never keeps me awake. Gotta catch up the Justin journal tomorrow!
current mood:  mellow
current music: "From this Moment"
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| Sunday, September 15th, 2002
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12:24 pm - Started my Justin jounal!
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Wow, I finally got it done (or started, that is). I got the first part of Justin's celeb journal loaded. It took me 'til the wee hours (as Dad says), and Jay just crapped out before I finished.
Kevin convinced me that it would be cool and different to make Justin's journal a pregnancy journal. We've IMed about this a ton, and I got this whole concept on how it happened. And now I'm gonna keep this journal.
And I'm also making it into a fic. I took the first entries and made them part one of "Unexpected." I'll put the actual fic here eventually, but for now here's the link to the LJ:
Justin's Pregnancy Journal
Wow! That was work. But it feels good. I've only really written three or four fics in my life, and so this is very cool to me. I have a million ideas for Justin's journal, but I have to make sure I keep them stored in a text file that I can later turn into a fic, when enough days pass. So, every week or so, I'll have a new part to my fic! (Sorry, Joey, this is bound to be at least a 20+part fic, if we go through the entire pregnancy!)
So, Justin's song is doing great on air play, and the vid debuted at #1 last week. (I just thought of something I need to change in my fic, 'cuz I used the wrong day originally.) I think his album will be a killer, really. He's off and running!
And I used myself in the fic/journal, making this guy named "Mac" from Vegas the person who's doubling for Justin out in public while he's knocked up. So, I guess that's very mary sue of me!
Well, I gotta run and get Jay some coffee. He's gotten pretty bored with all the work I've been doing on this, but I think he likes it. Man, I owe a huge thanks to Kevin for all his beta work, not to mention all the cool icons. And, thanks Joey, for letting me steal some crossover shit from you. You're always so generous with other writers, man! (Although I'd hardly call myself one, yet!)
Jay's getting impatient! Better haul ass.
current mood: satisfied
current music: whatta ya' think?!
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| Tuesday, September 10th, 2002
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12:22 pm - Ooooh, baby!
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Love Justin's vid. Lots of closeups of his pretty face, and it doesn't matter a damn to me whether he's breathing in the face of some supermodel. He looks hot.
I like the stuff, especially, at the 7-Eleven and in the lot. Like the MJ stuff less, but it's all good to me, frankly.
Jay liked it, too. Dad watched and just snorted. Then he decided the reason he has a son who's "sexually challenged" ~from a het standard, y'know~ is the name my mom ("the dumb bitch") chose for me. Justin is a gay name. Dad says it's obvious. Look at J. Timberlake. Look at J. Guirini. Look at his own kid.
He says there are definitely gay names and straight names. He says "Jay" is a gay name (!). And lots of names with an "ie" or a "y" on the end (unless they're mafia names), like "Tony" and "Donnie" and names like that.
Dad's a riot sometimes.
Funny thing is, I've heard this "gay name" thing a lot. And since nobody knows why some people are gay and others are straight, it could be partly true~
Well, back to the vid. I like it. And I like the song. Good work. (And wasn't it ironic to see the preview of Nick Carter's vid right after Justin's?! Man, t-girls, eat your angsty hearts out!)
Gotta be up early tomorrow for an 'off-schedule' inventory with my boss, so I better hit it. (Hope Jay's up for a little something before the zzzzzs!)
~Justin Mac (who at least has a macho nickname!)
current mood:  hot
current music: "Like I Love You" (course)
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| Thursday, September 5th, 2002
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11:46 pm - Me bad!
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No, not even my beautifully designed journal seems to keep me writing. I keep trying to find ways to get motivated about posting more often, but -- no.
Jay and I had a lovely fight last night, then an even lovelier make-up (or is it makeout?) session! It came after 'American Idol' and it may have had something to do with the show, but I don't remember the fight as well as I do the rest of it. That little 'party' we had beforehand probably was partly to blame.
Thank God my dad was on a date! We had the house to ourselves, and we made good use of it. Sometimes I think the sexiest thing in the world is to do it *anywhere* but your bedroom! I wonder if the same is true for het relationships . . . I somehow doubt it, even if you do see lots of that in softcore porn on cable. I doubt most women would be as open to rugburn as Jay is!
Anyway, I had a mild hangover this morning, but I didn't have to work. (Poor Jay. He did.) I slept in. Then I went shopping and played some tennis. (Too hot to play outside, really.)
I'm watching a rerun of 'Profiler' on CourtTV. I may not be active at the list anymore, but I can't forget that's where I first really got to know Joey, Lance and Chris! (LoL!)
I was reading Joey's journal about all his fic and his fb, and I'm so jealous! I'd love to have written the stuff he has. Well, I'd love to be *able* to write like he does! He's definitely one of the best writers on line. One of the things that stands out about his fic is his humor. You rarely see anybody handling humor very well in fanfic (purposely, that is).
Justin's single is climbing the charts. I'd love to see it go all the way! That would sure be something.
Now I remember what the fight was about. Jay starting comparing the two 'Justins' while we were watching 'American Idol.' I decided he was just ragging on me, trying to piss me off, which he did.
Anyway, Jay was beat after work, and went to bed early tonight. So I'm sitting up watching t.v. and writing in this. I guess I'd better turn in pretty soon, though.
God I'm stuffed. We grilled hamburgers tonight, and I ate like a horse! Tomorrow I better work out more than just tennis!
Off to bed. Guess I'll sleep in my own room tonight!
current mood: calm
current music: "Without Your Love"
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| Sunday, September 1st, 2002
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2:17 am - What's in a name?
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Okay, Jay and I had a little tequila tonight ~well, I had the tequila, he had some wine~ and we got into a discussion about this name thing on line.
Since I started posting stuff (about two years ago), I've "met" probably a dozen people who share first names with celebs they admire or idolize. And I don't mean the name thing that makes for a whacky email address (like loratimberlake@something.com). I mean people ~including a lot of guys~ who actually have the same name as someone.
Myself, for instance. Was I originally attracted to Justin Timberlake because I share his name? (Is it because we're close to the same age or that we like the same music? I doubt it.)
Do I want Justin Guarini to win on American Idol because I'm Justin, too?
I know a guy named Kevin who likes Kevin Richardson and the Backstreet Boys. I know a Lance and a Chris and a Joey ~we used to end up on the same lists and it was freaky! I'm pretty sure all three of these Nsync fans were using their real first names on line. And if I asked them, I'll bet they were attracted to the whole thing partially because of the name thing.
I've read fic about Nick Carter by a guy named "Nik." He swears it's his real name.
I've known a Britney Spears fan named Britney (or maybe a dozen of them), and an Eminem fan named Marshall.
Mistress Marilyn had a thing for Marilyn Monroe, so she probably thinks this is all pretty normal.
I just think it's pretty interesting. Sometimes Jay and I play this game ~I should not be writing this here~ that we're Justin and JC, and we don't even have to stretch at all when it comes to the name part. Hell, his name is close enough to "JayCee" already, and my name is Justin! (Of course, half the time he calls me "Mac," so maybe it's a little bit of a stretch.)
Anyway, when you live in Vegas, you can play with this celeb stuff and really get people going (which we sometimes do). The freaky part comes when we get carded and people see that my first name *really is* Justin!
If my dad had named me "Nick," would I have ended up a Backstreet fan?
Just a thought . . .
current mood:  mischievous
current music: "Celebrity"
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| Friday, August 30th, 2002
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11:15 pm - Justin as Jacko?
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Well, Justin did a great job! Yeah, I realize he lip-synced (so what? he was dancing like mad!), and Jay says he's trying to become the new Michael Jackson (with the moves, the hat, the gloves and all). Jay says it's not original, and he might as well have the Nsync guys behind him as a bunch of dancers.
Well, I'm not sure what to think. I think Justin is a superstar already and can be even bigger as a solo. I don't want Nsync to break up, but I want Justin to have all the success he can. I hope the fans feel it.
I'm not going to fight with Jay about this, because I know he's a Justin fan, too. He just has strong opinions about the single and the performance. He's entitled to his opinion, but why does it hurt when someone you love disses something else you love?
It's weird.
I wonder what other people thought about it. I'm going to go e-mail Kevin and FatJoey and see what they thought.
current mood: disappointed
current music: "Like I Love You"
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10:05 pm - 2002 VMAs --
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Will they ever get to Justin's performance? I can't believe they're pimping it this way!
Ohmygod, Eminem! Hey, at the risk of sounding like a line from a typical Nsync slash story, when did he get so hot? I had no idea he was that buff. I'm starting to feel better about liking him.
Is it just me, or does this year's awards seem kind of tame or kind of lame?
Maybe I'm just impatient! Let's get on with this thang!
current mood: impatient!
current music: "White America"
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| Wednesday, August 28th, 2002
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11:29 pm - The Final Two--
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Justin and Kelly, of course. Whether America voted or not, this came off like a script. It couldn't have turned out any different.
And now I 'spose Kelly will win. That's what Jay wants.
Dad just wants it to be over!
current mood: All-knowing
current music: "Complicated"
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| Tuesday, August 27th, 2002
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10:10 pm - "Future BSB Fan"
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Wow, this fic KevinR wrote is just amazing! I never thought I could get this into a male preg fic, but I'm loving this one. I had to sub up to his mpreg list to read more, even though I first read it in his LJ. For somebody who's never been into Justin, I think he does a great job at getting in his head. I'm impressed, man!
Kevin has been dreaming about Justin, and he's really gotten into him lately. Sometimes dreams can really affect you (like the Eminem dream I had or that AJ dream that Jay had). It can just set you reeling for a day or two, or it can really turn into something. For Kevin it's turning into this amazing fic.
I've admitted to Kevin that it's hard for me to imagine Justin and Kevin together, but he's got this un-real thing going that kind of suspends your disbelief. And let's face it, you have to suspend disbelief for an mpreg fic!
KevinR's interesting to me, because he's so into guys, but he's married and very het. I have those tendencies myself (het, that is), so it makes me wonder if I'll end up married with kids someday. Who knows? Maybe this is just a phase I'm going through (LoL, you wish, Dad!).
Anyway, I'm really enjoying this fic. I want Justin to really be pregnant and go through the whole thing. I want to help with the fic in some way, but that's a little presumptious, I think!
Anyway, this is cool. It's got me into fanfic again!
current mood:  excited
current music: "Drowning"??!!
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| Sunday, August 25th, 2002
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9:53 pm - My "new" LJ!
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Got a new look, revamped LJ. It's cool! I'm really into it. Now I'm hoping this will get me to post more often. I have so much work to do on this thing. I need to find more friends and "unlock" my soul to the world! It's a big change for me.
Why have I been so absent from fandom and the lists? What's up with me? I feel like a hermit sometimes, hanging with Jay and my old man waaay too much, like I'm 31 or 41 instead of 21!
Gotta change my ways. I love Jay, but he can't be my whole life.
And I really want to get back into fanfic!
~Justin Mac
current mood: good
current music: "Just Like a Pill"
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| Saturday, August 24th, 2002
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11:48 pm
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A gay kid who had to drop out of school due to extreme bullying successfully sued the school district and got like a half million bucks. This is good news. I hope it holds up.
It just makes me think how much shit Jay had to take in school. He had a bad enough time at home without putting up with people calling him "faggot" all the time. And he was too cool to deny it or try to pretend otherwise. I have to admire that.
It's hard enough to be a teen, to have acne and angst and all that. But to be ~really~ different sucks. Thank God I had a tough dad who didn't put up with any shit from anybody and taught me the same. And he always said, if you wanna fuck boys, go ahead and do it, but do it like a man.
That's my dad. Gotta love him.
current mood: pleased
current music: "White America"
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| Monday, August 12th, 2002
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8:01 pm - Jacko in Vegas--
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Okay, so Jay was working yesterday, and in came Michael Jackson and his entourage! They closed up the store for him, and he shopped in relative peace, I guess.
Jay said he looked so freaky up close, and he talked so soft, you could hardly hear him. Still, I guess it was a really big deal to have him come in. Not sure why MJ's in Vegas, but it seems like all the celebs come and hang here eventually. You get kind of used to seeing stars everywhere. Some still stand out.
Anyway, it was quite an experience for Jay! Maybe MJ will come in my store (but I sure as hell doubt it)!!!
current mood: amazed
current music: "Thriller" (huh!)
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| Thursday, August 1st, 2002
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11:14 pm - American Idol
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Getting into this American Idol stuff. At first I totally hated the whole thing, totally hated the whole Simon vibe. Now I'm suddenly caught up in it with the rest of America. Jay is all over Kelly, and I find myself pulling for Nikki, maybe because she's the underdog and she keeps getting better all the time.
What is the fascination with stuff like this? I think the whole 'Star Search' thing will never totally fade. And look at all the major stars of today who failed on that show, including Britney and Justin! Now, these guys can't really go away and then suddenly appear in different incarnations, but they sure have evolved during the last weeks. And I'm sure they still will, just like all performers do.
Anyway, my dad really hates this thing. He thinks the singing is "horrible" and the women are all "screamers." It drives him nuts. Jay gets all caught up in the results show and even cries about who ever loses. Poor Dad!
I'd love to see a show like this with all the guys from Nsync and BSB (and maybe O-Town) in a kind of Survivor/American Idol scene. Divide them up, make them survive as teams, make them perform as singles and have people vote. It would be cool! ~Just a little fantasy~
But it would be cool . . .
current mood:  creative
current music: "Always on Time"
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| Monday, July 22nd, 2002
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10:49 pm - Kevin's LJ!
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I found a celebrity journal on line for Kevin Richardson, and it turned out to be Kevin Royal's. I sent him an email, and he wrote back right away. I told him I was trying to do a Justin LJ, but I was having a little trouble getting into it. He's adding me as a friend, and he's going to give me some advice and feedback. He turned me on to some other celeb LJs, including a Britney I was already reading who's evidently part of a role-playing group he's in.
Maybe this will help get me going on my Justin LJ. We'll see. I wish Jay were into this, but he's just not.
Kevin has my favorite website for fanfic. It was great to hear from him!
current mood: happy
current music: I'm listening to 'No Strings'
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| Monday, July 15th, 2002
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9:34 pm - Austin Powers?
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Are they going to keep making sequels forever? I'm tired of it. Was I the only one who thought this wasn't funny to start with? Am I missing something? I don't like 'Jackass' or 'I Bet You Will,' either. And I don't get Tom Green.
So, call me screwed up! I guess I must be.
current mood:  curious
current music: "Boys"
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| Thursday, June 20th, 2002
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10:19 pm - Mad at Dad --
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Okay, it doesn't happen that often. I know I have the best dad in the world. He puts up with an unbelievable amount of shit from me, overall. He puts up with all my music, he puts up with my occasional drama, he even puts up with my boyfriend ('puts up with'? Sometimes I think he and Jay get along better without me!).
Anyway, I can't help being pissed off. After all, there is nothing really that immature or irresponsible about me. I work, I make enough $$ to pay my own way (even if I do live at home), I go to school and get passing grades, and I don't leave my shit lying around the house. Dad's the one with the bad temper and the bad habits. Jay's usually picking up after him, not me!
Dad can just be so sarcastic sometimes. It drives me nuts. And when he drinks (which is rare, I admit), he's really obnoxious. We almost never fight, so this is a big deal.
But it'll blow over in no time.
current mood:  pissed off
current music: none
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| Sunday, May 26th, 2002
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4:21 pm - Britney!
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What a way to spend Memorial Day weekend! Jay and I got Britney tix over at Mandalay Bay and sat with the kiddies. I have to say, Britney's a fabulous performer, but I didn't think much of the stage and set (not very good visibility), and I was surprised at the lack of energy in the crowd. I've seen Nsync and Backstreet in concert, and I know they choreograph everything, but maybe this was just a little ~too~ choreographed. With just a couple exceptions, it was the same show she did at MGM Grand in November.
Not sure.
Anyway, it was fun. A few margaritas to warm up didn't hurt. (But the opening act sucked, let me just say. Even standing outside drinking was a pain with all that hollering going on!)
Vegas is just a zoo this weekend. You could not get a cab, and you wouldn't want to. Traffic was so backed up on the strip, we ended up walking a couple miles to catch a ride home. There's some kind of record crowd here, which is nice after having it be so empty last winter.
As usual, Dad thinks we're nuts. But that's just us.
current mood:  rejuvenated
current music: "I'm a Slave for U"
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| Tuesday, May 14th, 2002
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6:23 pm - Live Journal Alias --
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Sometimes I wonder about the people I meet on line. You think you're getting to know someone, you may even have a picture of them in your head, but do you really know them at all? I think lots of people keep different journals under different names, and one of the interesting things in LJ is the 'celebrity journal.' It would be cool to try to keep a journal as a celeb! Imagine trying to be Jusin Timberlake and just ramble on about stuff you think might be in his head.
I wish some of my old friends kept journals here. I miss Lance and Joey (my own 'Nsync'!!). I need to try to get back in touch.
I'm thinking of getting into it, but right now I'm not sure if I have time. Maybe when school is out. Working during the day and going to school three nights a week has me busy enough right now. But it won't last forever.
current mood: cool
current music: "Celebrity"
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| Tuesday, April 2nd, 2002
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12:10 am - Justin and Britney broke up --
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Okay, I feel bad about this, actually. It's going to be weird not seeing them together at all the shows. It's really too bad for them. It must just be too damn hard to keep a relationship going in the business. I can't imagine never seeing Jay and trying to stay close. Just being apart during the day can be tough sometimes. You get jealous, you get weird.
'Course, there's also the other side of that coin. Familiarity and all. Still, we never seem to suffer too much from that.
Anyway, can Justin come out of the closet now (LoL)? (I wish!) Doesn't matter to me how many strippers he hangs with, the guy is just not that straight. (It takes one to know one, dawg!)
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